Not Another Harry Potter Story
by LittleClockworkAussie
Summary: What happens when Lord Voldemort gets his hands on the Elder Wand? Will he succeed in destroying the world? Or will a certain book, about a certain dark-haired wizard spoil everything for him? Find out, in this story... This was written by me self, late at night, after drinking WAY too much coffee! I hope you enjoy!


Out on the grounds of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, the figure of Lord Voldemort can be seen skipping up and down the lawn. Students, teachers, members of the Order of the Phoenix and Deatheaters alike all curiously make their way outside to see why the Dark Lord is skipping. Has he finally lost his marbles? Or is he FINALLY about to come out of the closet? Only the Dark Lord knows.  
As he continues skipping about, he starts singing:  
"I got the all-powerful wand! I got the all-powerful wand! Whatcha gonna do about it?" He giggles hysterically. In his hand is none other than the Elder Wand.  
"Well shit! Now we're screwed!" mutters Minerva McGonagall. Around her, people murmur their agreement.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a book comes flying through the air and hits Lord Voldemort right smack in the middle of his snake-like face. Everyone flinches at the impact. Voldemort collapses to the ground, unconscious. A small giggle can be heard from somewhere in the middle of the crowd. Everyone turns their attention to the giggler.  
Hermione Granger's face reddens at the attention she so unwillingly is given. She shrugs her shoulders.  
"What?" She raises her arm and points at the unconscious form of the Dark Lord. "I had to do something! He wouldn't shut up!" Next to her, Harry Potter and Ron Weasley start clapping. Soon enough everyone, apart from the Deatheaters and Voldemort Supporters, join in with the clapping.

10 minutes later, Voldemort regains consciousness. He slowly and unsteadily gets to his feet. He takes a few steps forward and sways dangerously. He puts his hands to his face and shakes his head. Well, guess who's embarassed now? He removes his hands and everyone gasps delightedly. On his face is a book-shaped bruise. Yep, thats gonna hurt like a bitch!  
He gazes around with an unfocused look in his eyes. "Which one of you numpty's hit me in the face with a book?" he says as he turns around and bends over to pick up the book. He didnt get to bend over very far when...  
RIIIIIIIIIIP!

The back of his robes rip. It leaves a massive split that goes all the way to just above his hip. Just at that moment a strong breeze comes along and the split robe flutters around showing nothing but a bare white ass. Everyone gasps and groan in horror. Except for 2 people. The Weasley twins, Fred and George, roar with laughter.  
Embarassed YET AGAIN, Voldemort flails his arms and whips around. The Weasley twins are still laughing their heads off. One of them stops laughing, while the other laughs harder, tears streaming down his face.  
"F-F-F-Fred...j-j-just...-w-w-wet...h-h-h-his...p-p-pants!" George manages to screech out in between hysterical giggles. Hearing this, everyone, including Voldemort, bursts into laughter.  
As everything settles down. Voldemort straightens his robe.  
"Who threw the book at me?"  
The Deatheaters all turn and point at none other than Harry Potter. Before Harry has a chance to understand what's going on. He sees a flash of green light and drops to the floor dead. Everything goes silent. It's that silent you could drop a pin into the grass and you could still hear the PING it makes.  
"Awww shit! We're fucked!" says Percy Weasley.

Voldemort waves his wand and the book that was thrown at him floats up and into his free hand. He flips it over and looks at the cover. It's Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. A girlish voice yells out:  
"Skip to the end, dumbass!" Voldemort raises an eyebrow, but skips to the end. His mouth opens in shock.  
"Harry Potter didn't really die?" he asks in a tiny voice. His botton lip trembles and then he bursts into tears.  
On the floor, the "dead" body of Harry Potter shudders and he slowly gets onto his hands and knees.  
"Well, damn! Guess my cover is blown." he says and shakes his head. He turns to Voldemort. "Don't use one of the Unforgiveable Curses unless you know how to mean it!"  
"AVADA KEDAVRA!" Another flash of green light and Voldemort drops to the floor, dead. The book landed on his face. Guess who got smacked in the face with a book...AGAIN?  
And then...

HARRY POTTER WOKE UP!  
Hope you all enjoyed reading this just as much as I enjoyed writing this!


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